I believe most Christians experience a time of when they want to quit on their faith and walk away from the christian life. I myself have wanted to quit on God. I have gotten to the very point of saying that I was done. I felt like God had abandoned me. I normally tell this testimony starting from the end of paragraph two but, while I was putting this blog together I realized that this testimony actually goes back three years before those events.
June 2012, my wife and I were living in our first apartment and our daughter Abigail was just
born. My wife was on maternity leave, and let's face it, it put a huge strain on our finances. I was working overnights, only 20-30 hours a week at a coffee shop, while going to college full time right after work. We were able to make the stretch of her being on maternity leave. She returned to her job at the local pet store. A few months later, we were expecting another baby. There were some complications that made the doctor put her on bed rest early on into the pregnancy, and a couple weeks later we lost the baby. This put an emotional strain on us, and with the lack of a flowing income, I decided it would be best we moved into my mother's house with her, my older sister, and my nephew. We were unable to make it it the end of our lease, which meant we would have to break it. To us young adults that didn't mean as much as it does now. If I knew the problems it was going to cause I would have found a way to work a second job to keep the apartment. In a way I'm thankful.
October 2012, We moved into my Mom's house and called it home for a year before our second daughter Olivia was born. At that point I was already graduated and was working a steady job. My wife stayed at home with our two girls and our nephew, while my Mom, Sister, and I worked to pay the bills. To be honest, there came a point where arguments happened frequently and long story short we ended up moving out three years later. It was not an easy transition and was a very emotional battle. We stayed with my In-Laws while we searched for apartments.
August 2015, We were sleeping on an air mattress at my In-Laws house while apartment searching. Between work, church, and searching we were not having a good time. Money was an issue and my job was constantly being threatened. Every apartment complex we went to was either full, or wouldn't take us because of our previous broken lease with our first apartment complex. We searched and searched. Our faith was full, I remember the first Saturday we were searching we stopped at a Catholic church and prayed outside in a garden area. But, my faith started dissolving. I wasn't being patient with God and it was only causing me more pain. I started taking payday loans, which of course was costing me more money. We eventually decided to try the apartment complex we broke the lease with as a last resort. We left out the broken lease part and long story short we were waiting for our approval. I got the call from the apartment representative and she said "Sir, we see you have a broken lease with us and an amount due. To continue with your move-in you have two days to pay $1100". That Wednesday afternoon after church my Dad called me and we started discussing everything that was going on. During the conversation I started to get upset and completely threw away my faith, I told my Dad "I thought God was on my side!" and hung up on him. The next morning I woke up with a want, to go to church and pray. It was not that woke up and chose to go, I woke up wanting to go. I got in the car and headed towards the church at 5 a.m. I can remember not wanting to walk through those doors as I sat in the parking lot. I finally found enough courage to do it. I walked up to the church doors, opened them, and stepped in. As I stepped towards the altar, I felt God with me. I felt every bit of pride, pain, bitterness, and shame get stripped away. It was strong enough to make me stumble. Their were only a hand full of people praying in the pews, and one of them was a very good friend of mine. I sat at the altar and felt my friend lay hands on me and pray with me. It was at that moment that nothing else mattered. It was the most emotional prayer time I have had. I gave it all to God and left the building knowing that God had it in His hands, and that I needed to leave it there.
Five hours later, I was on lunch and my wife called me. She was in tears and it was almost impossible to understand her. Her and her Mom went to talk to the apartment complex that denied us to ask for help and they pretty much said "No, means no". My wife walked outside and my mother in law asked "Are there any good people left in this world?" as she walked out too. The manager heard and followed her outside. She asked them both to come in and asked what was going on. My wife explained to her our situation and about the broken lease. The woman asked if we were able to pay a small deposit. After telling her yes, she called the collections agency and had them mark the amount due as paid ($1100!). This happened Five hours after I left church. Yes, Five hours after I handed it to God. I can guarantee you that if I were to do that a lot earlier I would have saved myself so much trouble. God allowed me to get to the point of losing my faith, and I believe He did it to teach me how important it is to pray, and how easy it is to lose everything, but overall, to show me how much He loves me.
I hope this post encourages you, If you have any questions or would like someone to pray with you please feel free to reach out via email and we'll respond ASAP.
I have attached my new song "I Surrender All" for you all to listen to. As it relates to this blog.