Three Steps to Peacefully Walking Away From a Friendship
“Commit your works to the Lord, and your thoughts will be established.” Proverbs 16:3 NKJV
Not so long ago I was struggling preparing for a performance because I knew that someone I was having an issue with was going to be there, and it distracted me from why I was going in the first place. Why was I going? Well… To minister, worship, and rock out would be the answer any other night. The anger and arguments forming in my head almost had the best of me. I texted a friend to let them know there was a change in plans and because they were able to sense my disposition, they asked me to call. I called and explained who I was angry with, why, and how I was struggling with forgiveness. Each minute that got me closer to 7:30PM was more nerve-wrecking than the last. I told my friend what I was expecting to hear from this person and what my responses were going to be, and how no matter what… This was the end of the line, the end of the friendship, it ends here!!! (Get the point???) Now, I thought that my friend would back me up and tell me I was right but that’s not what happened. Instead, he asked me “Are you sure that no matter what happens after tonight your friendship is over?”. I responded with “Yes, unfortunately”. I expressed my anxiety with the situation and how it’ll be so much easier to forgive them when they’re gone. What my friend asked me next could have possibly changed my perspective on relationships coming to an end. He asked, “If you are sure that this relationship is in fact ending than what difference does it make in how YOU respond to them. If you know it's gonna end, why does it matter how it ends? Just let it end.” I realized that he was correct and that I needed to change my focus. He offered up a bible verse that he stumbled upon that day, Psalm 34:4 “I sought the LORD, and he heard me, and delivered me from all my fears.” After hanging up, I got on my knees, prayed, asked for forgiveness and forgave the person that I was blaming for my anxiety. I did see them that night. There was a hello and goodbye, and nobody had an attitude and there was absolutely no reason to have anxiety. I was able to focus on ministry and the purpose of being there, Jesus Christ. Without going into too much detail about the relationship and who it was with… I became close with a lot of new people in 2018. People in the Christian music scene. I met new brothers and sisters and had a lot of opportunities to do many shows and meet all types of people. Don’t get me wrong here, I still have love for them all. I am a huge believer that the path that God brings us to is more of a flowing creek abd we're jumping from stone to stone. Learning each and every day. I want to share some wisdom that I picked up from that day. The is not generated from my actions that day, but by the lesson that I learned.
1. Love Them from A Distance… Say What???
I once heard someone say, “Some people you just have to love from a distance.” I thought that it was the worse advice anyone could ever give. How could you tell someone who is helping someone else to love that person from a distance? Turns out it is one of the best pieces of advice anyone could ever give. It was a warning. Had I received it, I could’ve prevented the way I felt in a lot of situations. You don’t have to completely shun someone out of your life if they’re not a good fit for you, but you can love them from a distance. To love someone from a distance means just that. Pray for them and love them but be wise and look out because they enemy is always looking for ways to seek, kill and destroy (John 10:10). If someone without a job needs a ride to go make a little money, drive them. If they call you the next day and ask again, drive them. But if they’re calling you for a ride to go places that will not benefit them or feed their soul, it changes the name of the game. It doesn't have to be the end of a friendship and I know Satan causes brothers and sisters to separate, but after multiple failed attempts to heal the relationship I would say it’s in the best interest for you both that you walk away from it, pray for it, and love them from a distance.
2. Seek Godly Counsel, and seek to give Godly counsel.
I can honestly say that when I made the phone call to my friend that day that I was not seeking Godly counsel, but it seemed that Godly counsel was seeking me. The Bible does tell us in Proverbs 19:20 to seek Godly (wise) counsel. I have a select few brothers that I’ll call and discuss life issues with, and sometimes they’ll call me to do the same. We seek each other out for prayer and calming conversations so that we aren’t taken over by temptation to do wrong. The day of my performance I texted my friend to discuss something relating to the problem, my friend had me call him to discuss the actual issue and once we got to the bottom of it, he shared something that the Lord had given him the same day (it was Psalm 34:4). That is how we strike against the enemy, by ministering. I try to include a piece of scripture at my performances and that night I didn’t have one prepared, but the Lord did, and He gave it to me through that wise friend. I encourage you to be ready to serve when friends need someone to talk to. There are two ways to speak to someone: You can speak life, or you can speak death.
3. Leave your bridge as it is...
If your like me than it's hard for you to let things go. In many situations our bridges have burned to ashes. In other situations we've been able to strengthen the bridge with the other party. Every once in a while though We find ourselves stuck in the middle and leave the bridge as is. To be able to do that requires spiritual strength and stamina of a real warrior. For me it was a month that I was mad about our certain situation, then the call happened, then the show happened. We greeted each other, and said goodbye to each other, and walked away. It will take a lot of strength to walk away with out burning the bridge. I mean what's the point? Are we ever going to cross it again? We don't know but we do know that we serve a God that loves and that we are all His children. I can say that God encouraged me and held my hand through it all.
I pray this encourages someone to seek God's wisdom. Whenever you read this, whoever you are... God Bless! Oh ya... Enjoy the song that we attached to this for you. This song is called "I Surrender All" and it features one of my best buddies Michael from DreamLab Recording Studio in New Port Richey, FL.